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>>A father buys a Lying Machine after he finds out his son previously lied about his result. The Lying Machine slaps anyone who lies once it is turned on. So, the dad switches on the machine and asks his son what his result was, the son replies "I got a distinction", as expected, the machine slaps him. In fury, the dad shouts, "I knew you'd lie and that is very disappointing. You know, when i was your age, I got a distinction in every class I attended...", the Lying Machine slapped him before he could finish his statement. The Boy laughed hard- LWKMD

>>BREAKING NEWS: Fernando torres move to chelsea has fallen through after his wife failed to agree terms with John Terry.

>>an ijebu friend of mine never tries any girl until after february. when i asked him why, he said "Xmas and new year just dey pass. which kind valentine i go do for woman." he's back to his best in march.

>>i was at a club one night with some of the mates. Some chicks came over urging us to buy champagne. We got an old champagne bottle and refilled it with andre. The chicks couldn't tell the difference and thought we were high-rollers. One of the chicks told me that she had never had a guy spend over N200k on her. I was thinking "more like N10k babe". Trick 'em, dox 'em.

>>I was travelling to jand and when i was waiting in security to enter the gate area, the guy in front of me was asked by the security woman what was in his bag. The guy responded "a ball". When it was my turn, I said that I have two, need to search me. LWKMD banter..

>>My friend that works for MTN was yanning me about one MTN april fool's joke that his friend was playing on his area: he said that if u tattoo MTN's logo on your body, you wld receive 20% discount on all your vouchers. He forgot to tell them it was a joke until the end of the week when 3ppl had done it. LWKMD

>>So Busta Rhymes and Bill gates are having a conversation;

Bill Gates: You know I'm the richest man alive
Busta Rhymes: I don't believe you but hope you know I'm the ugliest man alive
Bill Gates: Okay then lets go to heaven and ask God

They get to heaven and Bill Gates goes through the gates, comes back a few minutes later smiling with a certificate 'See, I told you. Signed by God'

Busta Rhymes goes in then comes out a few minutes later fuming.......

"Who the f**k is Taribo West ?" LWKMD

>>ladies if u hv bn dating & doxing a man for over a month and u hvnt met his friends or fam... U ARE THE WOMAN ON THE SIDE

>>An Igbo man went to holy land,visited d sea of Galilee. When asked to take a boat,he asked how much? N500k said the boatman. 'Chineke', screamed the igbo man 'no wonder Jesus walked on water!'

>>An Igbo man on his dying bed surrounded by his family mutters his last words to his wife. Nne where is Chukwudi? In tears she replies, 'he is here'. He goes on, where is Chukwuemeke? He is here she replies, What about Nneka, she is here.
In serious pain he asked again, Chikodi nko? He is also here, With his last breath he exclaims. . ." SO WHO UNA COME LEAVE FOR SHOP NOW"?

>>My guy showed up late for work on Friday. His oga yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?" This one na mugu

>>As a plane is losing power, a pilot comes over the intercom & says: "Sorry it had to come to this folks, but we've already let the luggage go & the plane continues to lose speed". "I hate to have to do this, but now we're gonna have to start releasing passengers by alphabetical order beginning with the letter "A" AFRICANS, ANY AFRICANS"?...No one answers "B" BLACK PEOPLE , ANY BLACK PEOPLE"? again, silence. " "C" COLORED PEOPLE, ANY COLORED PEOPLE"? Silence. A black boy turns to his mom & says "Mom, aren't we african american? Aren't we black? Aren't we colored"? His mom turns to him & says: "TODAY we NIGGAS "

>>A man and his ex-wife were in court for child custody, the judge asked d wife y she shuld have d child and she answered i held him 4 9months in my stomach the judge pointed 2 d husband asking him wat he as 2 say, he den sed if u go 2 d atm 2 withdraw cash wen d money comes out who does it belong to..................

>>My friend just bought a polo shirt. He was so happy with the deal he got- $10 for an $80 shirt. I just checked the label of the shirt "Ralf Laurenne". Oh dear, LWKMD.

>>A guy meets an ashewo in a bar. She says, "I’ll do anything you want for N3000, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Ok, let me think of what to say?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house." Ijebuman forever! LWKMD

>>a student who was running late to school for a lecture had to find a way to get to school. he had no money so he couldnt board a molue. suddenly, a plan came to his head. he stopped a bike and asked him to carry him to the campus. the charge was N350. very close to the school, the guy told the bike man that he wanted to ease himself by the big bush close to the school. he was greatly pressed. he got off the bike and shouted in whispers
BOY: Skidoo! Capone! i don carry am come o! and the Okada dey new!
the bikeman quickly sped off. Free ride. LWKMD

>>There was this little boy who had no name. One day he went outside and heard someone say Jonny. He then tells his mother his first name would be Jonny. The second day he goes outside and hears the name Humper. So, he tells his mother his middle name was going to be Humper. The third day, Jonny goes out and hears the name Harder. Then, he tells his mother his full name shall be Jonny Humper Harder. Jonny goes out one day with handful of cookies. He sees this girl around his age and asks her if she would be willing to take off her shirt for a cookie. The little girls says that she would take off all her close for all of Jonny's cookIes. Jonny gives her the cookies and the girl takes off all her clothes. Hours later, the towns people all run up to them in the middle of the street and they cry,'' JONNY HUMPER HARDER''!!! Little Jonny yells,'' I'M TRYING, I'M TRYING!!!'''

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